I've had an Oprah "ah ha moment" this evening. You see, I've been thinking a lot about our parenting methods and worrying a little about our in home interview with our SW (for our homestudy to adopt our daughter from Russia) and wondering if our SW will think we are good parents with positive parenting methods and write a favorable review for us. Now mind you, I haven't been stressing about this...just hoping that when time comes for this interview...it is not a total disaster and that our home, kids, and us come together and present a somewhat true but favorable family picture.
So after spending some time thinking about how we parent and discipline I observed BW using one of our techniques on his brother this evening. This is not the first time I have noticed him use this technique but I was so amazed at how effective he was at it. Much more so than the technique that hubby and I were trying which was pleading...''please stop crying Bubba, please.'' So it is no secret that Bubba spends a portion of his day in tears...due to frustration, being overly emotional, not getting his way, tired from not taking a nap, being the younger brother, just being 2...you get the picture, etc, etc. We have tried everything for him ...currently I'm working on getting him to take deep breaths to calm himself down. Anyways, tonight in the tub Bubba is upset with us after he dumped a cup of water over his brother's head and we were trying to explain to Bubba we don't pour water on people's heads esp. when they are not expecting it. Oddly enough, though he is not the victim in this situation he is still upset that we are not siding with him and allowing him to pour water on his brother's head and thus continues to cry. BW quickly over the spilt water in true BW fashion, speaks up...''Bubba, did you see the shadow on the showerhead? Look at the shadow.'' And there it is....when all else fails...distraction or redirection. BW was trying to distract Bubba from what was currently making him upset, and it worked. Bubba quieted down and looked up at the showerhead. Sometimes, it's like there are three parents parenting Bubba. Being so tired, I'm grateful for that small token of helpfulness...that BW could of really played the victim card and been upset with Bubba but instead helped us in quieting him down..esp at the end of another long day of packing...yes, we are still packing up boxes at our old house. I'm amazed at how observant BW is and how he has picked up on so many things...some of them actually good things and thus the "ah hah moment" maybe just maybe we must be doing something right...maybe we are modeling some useful parenting technique afterall. Heck, I had to get a certificate in early childhood education to learn that one and though BW doesn't know the name of the technique he used, he has been able to apply it all the same.
I've noticed BW use this method before and not just with Bubba. Once, during the school year BW was playing with a classmate in this redwood tree grove --the rocketship as it was called that day---when another child enters the scene and out of no where the boy BW is playing with bonks the new boy on the head and that boy gets really upset and soon the teacher is on the scene to try and figure out quickly what has happened and calm the boys down. Suddenly, BW pipes up and tells the upset child the other child would like you to operate the remote control for the rocket ship. BW points to where the remote control is and asks him to help them go up in space. All of the sudden, tears are gone, the child excitedly agrees to this job and the boy that originally bonked him is also happy about this new idea and everything is fine. The teacher is very happy at how this has quickly worked out and comments outloud how nice of BW to include the new child and give him an opening into how to join the twosome in play and how that immediately diffused the upset situation between the 2 boys. Now I could have immediately felt proud but instead sheeplishly I admited that BW is very good at distracting his younger brother and that technique has just worked so well that he uses it a lot. It would seem he is quite good at being a moderator and has learned some lessons quite well...like how to distract and redirect.
